Begin

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God."
Psalm 40:2-3a

Tomorrow we will have completed the first full week of a new year. It's hard for me to believe that even this first small piece has gone by so quickly.

David did not end up having an MRI in December. After the change in oncologists, we got onto a wrong MRI schedule. His last one was done 3 months early, and instead of making him go through all that again, we are just going to keep him on a wonky schedule. I am glad. MRIs are no fun for anyone. David is becoming quite anxious before his doctor's visits too, so it's nice to have one where the worst thing that happens is a finger stick for bloodwork.

As we go into this new year, I feel like I am starting to emerge from a cloud. There is still a little haze, but I am starting to see things with a little more clarity again. I guess for the past 3 years I was just trying to make it through, but I didn't even really know what that meant. Everything was starting to shut down: my brain, my body, even my soul. It was a very dark time for me in every way. My prayer every day was, "Just let me make it to bed tonight." I couldn't finish my thoughts, my sentences; in many ways, I couldn't even pray. Not because I didn't want to, just because that fog so inhabited my brain that I simply couldn't complete those tasks.

I am feeling a bit better now.

I know that this isn't over. We still will have the same stress and anxiety each time we take David in for an exam. And we don't know what the future holds. I do know that this will not be the last valley we pass through in our lives.

I am thankful for those of you who have prayed and continue to pray in our stead. I am thankful for the love and support you all gave to us. I am thankful for people I don't even know who have lifted my gaze out of the valley through deed, word, song. I don't know how people can live without the Body of Christ around them.

Rob and I have been running together for the past 6 months or so. This is nothing new to him since he ran in both high school and college. It is a new experience for me, however. One of the things I notice is: it doesn't take much time or work to run down a hill into a valley, but getting up a hill is another story. Your muscles burn, you can't get enough air in your lungs, your pace gets slower and slower, and mentally you feel like you can't take another step. But once you crest that hill, your pace quickens, your lungs fill with air again, your muscles feel strong.

So, I guess as we begin this year, I feel like we have crested this hill. I know we couldn't have done it without all of you at our backs.

-Kim